#100DaysOfFoodBlogging, Thought Nuggets

Brainstorming Notes Behind Pizza Hut’s Hot Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza

[This is post #043 towards #100DaysOfFoodBlogging, our goal to do 100 posts in 100 days as part of The 100 Day Project. Yeah, we’re behind, but we’ll catch up…]

The Internets are all a fury with the news that Pizza Huts’ hot dog stuffed crust pizza (The Hot Dog Bites Pizza) would finally be coming to America. (Meanwhile, I’m still waiting for the freaking Bacon Box to catch on…)

Some people love it.

Some people despise it.

But there’s one thing that can’t be debated:  A lot of hard work went into developing the pizza. Fortunately, the actualbrainstorming notes from the Hot Dog Bite Pizza creative development meeting were leaked recently.

Below are some excerpts, while you can view the full page here.

Hot Dog Bites Pizza | Pizza Hut | getinmymouf.com

Every good idea involves at least one venn diagram.

Hot Dog Bites Pizza | Pizza Hut | getinmymouf.com

Whew…we were THIS close to a puppy stuffed crust pizza.

Hot Dog Bites Pizza | Pizza Hut | getinmymouf.com

Would really like to see the full discussion.

Hot Dog Bites Pizza | Pizza Hut | getinmymouf.com

The engineers have their work cut out for them.

Hot Dog Bites Pizza | Pizza Hut | getinmymouf.com

More tough questions being asked.

Hot Dog Bites Pizza | Pizza Hut | getinmymouf.com

More work for the engineers…

Hot Dog Bites Pizza | Pizza Hut | getinmymouf.com

I’m not sure they picked the best name.

Wow, really insightful stuff here. I learned more from these notes than in the five years I spent in college.

And I sure as heck can’t wait for the Churro Crust Pizza!

But seriously, WHEN CAN I GET A BACON BOX?!

The Pizza Hut Bacon Box | getinmymouf.com

*Not actual.

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#100DaysOfFoodBlogging, Thought Nuggets

The Bacon Box: An open letter to Pizza Hut

The Pizza Hut Bacon Box | getinmymouf.com

[This is post #032 towards #100DaysOfFoodBlogging, our goal to do 100 posts in 100 days as part of The 100 Day Project.]

My Dearest Pizza Hut,

You don’t know me personally, but we’ve had quite a long relationship. There’s no data available, but for argument’s sake, I’ve probably eaten millions of slices of your pizza. Also, you send me more emails than any of my family members. So…yeah.

Through all those millions of bites, there has been quite a roller coaster of emotions. Happiness. Sadness. Hunger. The opposite of hunger.

First and foremost, I do have many fond memories…

The way your pepperoni gets a little bit burnt, making it extra crispy. Even when I was too full to eat any more, I always had room to steal a salty pepperoni from one of the remaining slices.

You forced me to read with the Book-It program. Free pizza just for reading books? Genius. I graduated college, so thank you. I didn’t keep track of all the books I read, but for the sake of argument I’ve probably read millions of pages.

Oh and your beloved pan pizza. Dripping that unctuous grease on my chin… It was as close to a fried pizza as I’ll ever come.

And the pan pizza’s perfect foil: The thin crust pizza. So thin that it could facilitate consuming more than one large pizza at a time. A feat any teenage boy would be proud to accomplish.

Memories aside, we are firmly planted in what historians will call The Bacon Era. It all started as a lonely topping. Little salty crumbles of magic, like dust from the Pig Fairy. But that wasn’t enough. Next, you decided to stuff bacon and cheese in the crust.

Not long after this historic anouncement from Blake Shelton, one of your competitors upped the ante, not by stuffing the crust, but by REPLACING IT with bacon.

Now, you could take the next logical step and replace ALL of the crust with bacon. Essentially a circular disc of bacon, ready to be piled high with sauce, cheeses, and…more bacon. So, why let this pesky pizza business get in the way of what we all really want? What the world needs is…

THE BACON BOX

The Pizza Hut Bacon Box | getinmymouf.com

A pound of bacon stuffed inside a box, delivered hot, fresh, and ready for consumption. I don’t have the demographics data, but I’m willing to bet there are millions of customers out there who desire a box of bacon. Breakfast would never be easier. BLTs would practically make themselves. World peace would be just around the corner.

The Pizza Hut Bacon Box | getinmymouf.com

Your bread stick boxes are already equipped to hold bacon. I’m sure your pizza ovens would love to cook strips of bacon. And the marketing is already done, ’cause this box sells itself.

So, I challenge you, Pizza Hut. Give us THE BACON BOX.

Because if you don’t, I’m sure one of y0ur competitors will…

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#100DaysOfFoodBlogging, Shopping While Hungry, Thought Nuggets

The Dangers of Shopping While Hungry

Dangers of Shopping While Hungry | getinmymouf.com

[This is post #025 towards #100DaysOfFoodBlogging, our goal to do 100 posts in 100 days as part of The 100 Day Project.]

It always starts with milk. ALWAYS.

Every grocery trip ever conceived has always begun with an empty milk carton. This trip is no different…

And the timing isn’t great, as you were about to have a late afternoon snack. Nothing fancy, just a quick bowl of cereal. However, you notice the empty milk carton. Judging you. Taunting you. Milky laughter echoes throughout your kitchen.

So, instead of having your snack, you decide to dare to go grocery shopping…while hungry.

As you enter the store, you’re full of optimism. But a salad is going to take forever. There’s the washing and cutting and more washing. And then you have to shake the salad dressing… Just thinking about all that work is exhausting. Your armpits are even sweating through your shirt.

So, you enter the frozen food section with a stomach already roaring like the MGM Lion. Maybe you could grab a frozen meal for lunch. It’d be cheap and quick. Save the salad for dinner.

Excellent idea!

Then you remembered you already have dinner plans, so the salad will have to wait for tomorrow’s lunch. As you look at the lettuce you realize that it’s a tiny bit brown on one leaf…

You decide that it’s better not to risk lettuce spoilage, so you decide to put all the salad ingredients back. But since you’re hungry and in a hurry, rather than walking back to each section, you dump them all in the frozen case with the ice cream. It’s a freezer, so it’s not like anything will spoil. The lettuce might even last longer in the freezer. You’re helping the store out. Very good.

After you hide a tomato behind a tub of Chunky Monkey, your eye catches the box of what appears to be the most delicious turkey dinner in the world. (It’s clearly not, but keep in mind your vision is slightly obscured by your hunger.)

You take a closer look…

Your mouth waters, as you inspect the package. There’s a picture of Thanksgiving dinner on the back–It looks just like grandma’s house! The table is set and WOW, look at that turkey. You start to believe that this meal will be delicious and you even convince yourself that you could buy this frozen box of turkey and carbs in lieu of an actual Thanksgiving dinner next year. Your grandmother will be sad, but you’ll send a card. It will be fine.

You toss the freezer turkey dinner into your basket and notice that there’s a sale: 10 for $25 (regularly priced at $2.51 each). You’re too hungry to do the math, so you grab 9 more frozen meals. Meatloaf. Swedish Meatballs. Mac ‘n’ Cheese. Boxes fill your basket; good thing you ditched all that salad produce. Smart.

You avoid eye contact at the check-out counter, for fear of being judged by the cashier at your sole purchase of ten cheap, generic TV dinners. You wish this grocery store had self-checkout. For a second you wish you had simply shoplifted the frozen food, but hiding all the frozen meals in your pants would be problematic. You pay with cash. No need to have this purchase linked to your credit card…

Once you’re home you’re so hungry that you carelessly rip the box open. The sharp corner gives you a paper cut. There’s blood on the counter, but you ignore it for now…

With the frozen turkey dinner removed from it’s packaging, you notice that the frozen version looks a lot like a giant brown ice cube. You can only assume the microwave will “make it all better.”

Turns out your turkey dinner’s directions require an advanced engineering degree from MIT: “Cook on 50% for 3 minutes, then rotate 75 degrees, remove plastic wrap, stir potatoes counter-clockwise, cook on high for 11 seconds, then cook for 12 minutes at 60% power, recover with plastic wrap and let sit for 10 minutes in direct moonlight.” Unfortunately you removed the plastic wrap before reading the instructions and there is a lack of moonlight since it is 2:30 in the afternoon, so you’re already screwed.

You end up just cooking it on high, uncovered for five minutes, or until the inside of your microwave is covered in gravy.

You’ve basically waited for what feels like a fortnight to take the first bite, which both burns your mouth and is also still partially frozen. To even things up, you stir everything around. Hot + Frozen = Warm, right?

The temperature is now lukewarm, which is fine, but unfortunately the stirring resulted in blood dripping into the food from your paper cut.

You’re so hungry now that you’re not above eating your own blood. You own the first season of TrueBlood on DVD and although you never finished it, you start to wonder what it would be like to be a vampire. Would’ve been helpful cooking this meal since you would have naturally been awake during the night, so you could have let the meal sit in moonlight as directed. But if you’re a vampire, why are you eating a frozen turkey dinner? Potentially, you could be trying to wean yourself off of blood, but–

The vampire fantasy is interrupted by the fact that you finally found a piece of turkey in hidden in the brown mush. Yay! Meat! You consider rationing this piece, for there is no guarantee that there will be others. It’s small, but you could probably get three bites from it. You then realize it’s too tough to actually cut, so you just eat it whole.

So, this is what Turkey chewing gum tastes like. You try to blow a bubble. No bubbles.

Once you feel like you’ve gotten as much turkey flavor out of the “meat” as possible you spit it out. But not onto the floor, into your cloth napkin. Yes, cloth. Even when eating a TV dinner you like to keep it classy.

You take another bite from the brown mush and…

You blackout.

Hard to say how long you’re out. Could be seconds, could be years.

When you awake, you realize you’ve not only finished your turkey dinner, but you’ve eaten ALL of the frozen meals you purchased.

You’re no longer hungry, but you are terribly thirsty. Likely because you just consumed your monthly allowance of sodium.

Hoping to find a cold beverage, you open the refrigerator and notice…

You are out of milk.

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#100DaysOfFoodBlogging, Thought Nuggets

My Weekday Lunch Routine As Told By GIFs

[This is post #023 towards #100DaysOfFoodBlogging, our goal to do 100 posts in 100 days as part of The 100 Day Project.]

10:00 AM:  The hunger begins.

10:05 AM:  The first craving arrives.

10:30 AM:  The second craving makes an appearance.

10:31 AM: And then the third…

11:00: A wild card craving jumps into the mix.

11:15 AM: Decision paralysis sets in.

11:45 AM: The hunger rage takes control.

12:00 PM: I overeat whatever I can find at my desk.

12:30 PM: Food coma depression sets in.

1:00 PM: Snack time?

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#100DaysOfFoodBlogging, Thought Nuggets

15 Minutes of Random Food-Related Writing

[This is post #021 towards #100DaysOfFoodBlogging, our goal to do 100 posts in 100 days as part of The 100 Day Project.]

At the risk of falling even more behind (did you realize we’re one post behind?) on the #100DaysOfFoodBlogging, today we’re keeping it short and simple. Since I’ve created a pseudo-writing theme for Wednesdays (see:  The Recipe for Writer’s Block and ‘Mise en Place’ for Preventing Writer’s Block), I’m just going to set a timer for 15 minutes and write some random thoughts about food until the timer goes off. I’m eliminating any excuses for not having a post today, because a) Who can’t spare 15 minutes? and b) After writing two posts about stopping writer’s block, I should be able to back it up with some weird impromptu writing exercise.

Anyway, enough time wasted with an intro. The clock starts…

NOW.

I wish there were more foods that were packaged and marketed for both dogs and humans. Sure, there are tons that already could be eaten by both, but I think there’s a lack of consumer awareness. Or maybe it’s a distribution problem. There are separate stores and within some stores separate aisles for humans and canines; why can’t there be an entire boutique store where every item on the shelf can be eaten by either a person or their four-legged friend. Would be great if it was a bakery that made pies. Who wouldn’t want to share a pie with their dog?!

It would have to have a catchy name and some really slick viral marketing. And probably a good celebrity spokesperson. Marketing would be key, since there probably isn’t really any demand for this sort of thing.

Man, I just got distracted by a tweet…

Okay, never mind. Forget about the joint dog/human grocery stores and/or pie bakeries. Here’s where the real money is at:

Canine Fast Food

Although I guess you could argue that dogs can eat regular fast food and that would be redundant. My counter to that argument would be that Cooper has thrown up (on more than one occasion) after eating fast food chicken nuggets. He does have a weak stomach (he takes Pepcid every morning) so maybe he’s not the best model for any of my canine culinary ideas.

I want to respond to that tweet, but my timer is still going… Should have definitely put my phone on airplane mode.

Why is peach season so short?

I wonder if Sean Brock ever eats fast food.

More important than all of this:  What IS for dinner?

Alright, I do still believe that the joint human/dog grocery store and/or bakery could work. I think the bakery is the way to go, because (as I type this) I remembered that my mom made these homemade cheese crackers for Cooper one year and I ended up eating half of them.

This is the longest 15 minutes ever.

And now it’s over.

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